Regrets

I like to think that I'm a forward-looking person. Rarely do I keep looking back on events that can't be changed or decisions I made - even if it's a mistake. But this time, I couldn't help but keep looking back with regrets in my heart.

I gave up sth I enjoyed doing for sth simpler. Changes include lesser work stress, a less hectic pace, lesser politics, more time for personal stuff. By and large, the job change should be sth good but my current job does not keep my adrenaline pumping. It doesn't stimulate my mind and challenge it to learn more and do more. In much simpler terms, I'm bored.

Frens in my DG said that I should be happy with it. I'm paid highly for it and I dun have to think too much and handle too much stress. I try to tell myself that too - a job's a job. I am paid well to do sth that I can handle with relative ease. If I want, I can take more initiative to learn more from others (which is wat I probably should be doing anw). But somehow, I find that I have to keep pushing myself to initiate more things and I find that I'm rapidly becoming ambivalent/nonchalent abt wat I'm doing. When things come, I take it as they come - to the point that when my colleagues think that I have spare capacity (I continue to leave the office at 6+pm while they leave after 8pm) and they look at me to help out and balance their portfolio, I do not feel anything abt it. Maybe this is wat scares me - that I am juz dispassionately doing sth - that wat keeps me going and doing it well is merely pride.

Or maybe I should remind myself of the finer points of my job. There are many others who are struggling to make ends meet while I'm holding a job that pays me well (even though I'm bored). So probably I ought not complain and juz be thankful with wat I have and count my blessings.